Metrics

"ssm-one" (ssm-one) 01/29/2015 at 01:44 • Filed to: None

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Maybe it's just me. It seems that every time I show up to work in a new car, it sets off a chain reaction of co-workers buying new cars themselves. Perhaps I am merely a link somewhere in the middle of that chain reaction. What I do know is that when it comes to the workplace, there is almost always a culture of (perceived) one-upsmanship when it comes to cars.

When I first brought my BMW 328i coupe (E92) to work, it seemed to create some buzz. Even though my used 3er cost me one third of what many of my co-workers paid for their full-sized F-150's and GMC Sierra's, I was now perceived as the big spending money-maker. Slick looking BMW 2-door, must be worth a small fortune! Nice to be me, eh?

Not so much. You see, I'm down on horsepower. My N52 powered BMW is equipped with a minivan-like 230 horsepower. Two-hundred-and-thirty! Doesn't everything have 230hp these days? Probably! Yes folks, I drive a 230 horsepower car.

The Camaro contingent at work think I'm an idiot for wasting all of that money on my BMW when I could have bought a 315hp V6 Camaro like them. Oh, you wise Camaro contingent you!

One of the pick-up truck driving guys has suddenly taken to driving his mother-in-law's 335i cabrio to work, because 300hp! Ugh, drive your own shit, bro...

Worst of the worse is used Chrysler 300 with tinted lenses and 20" BOSS (?) pimp rims that has a HEMI! It has HEMI horsepower! Because HEMI! He does burnouts on his way out of the lot every day and is balding as fast as his tires.

The one common feature among these guys and the many more I didn't get to mentioning is that horsepower is the single largest metric in which they measure their car. Some of these are catastrophically terrible cars in terms of quality and dynamics, but look at the horsepower!

Look, horsepower doesn't suck in and of itself. It does suck because its prevelance as a measurement of a car's worth in day to day use is a farce. Like that super hot girl who is... why can't she just shut her fucking mouth!

At the end of the day I don't give a fuck how much horsepower your car has. I don't give a shit if you can crack a zero to whatever time in less seconds than it takes you to masturbate. If your car lapped the 'Ring at all, more fuck's I could not give.

It's all a gimmick.

bob and john > ssm-one 01/29/2015 at 01:59

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thats why I bring a motorcycle to work:P

unless someone shows up with something over 500HP, there isnt a single car there with a fighting chance

Svend > ssm-one 01/29/2015 at 02:11

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In the U.K. I know maybe a small handful of people who give a crap about horsepower. It's invariably about the marque or style of car but for many it's about practicality and value for money. One colleague went from a seven seater mpv down to a Vauxhall Corsa because it was cheaper to tax and didn't need the seven seats any longer as it was mainly her and her daughter that used it or went anywhere together in it. If they need a big car they simply hire a car for the weekend and simples.

The only ones that do care about horsepower that I've met are BMW drivers talking (boasting) to other BMW drivers or young lads who have just past their test and think 'more horsepower is better and faster car', they grow up when they see the tax bill and fuel bill for a high performance car. :)

My car has 140bhp and I'm perfectly happy with that.

ssm-one > Svend 01/29/2015 at 02:27

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My Dad lives over there. You guys have it rough with the taxes on your cars... I had a '74 Mini with a hopped up 1380cc mill with a touch over 100hp when I was younger. Most fun car I have ever owned.

E. Julius > ssm-one 01/29/2015 at 02:29

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Ah, one upmanship, everybody's favorite game. Many of the people I worked with last summer had new (leased) cars, some of which were rather flashy. 2014 Nissan Altima, 2013 Dodge Charger R/T, 2013 Cadillac CTS Coupe, 2015 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT. My 10 year old Civic did not fit in.

There was also one guy who DDed a Plymouth fan from the early 70s—that was pretty cool.

Svend > ssm-one 01/29/2015 at 02:51

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It's not all that bad really. If you want a large high performance car that spits out CO2 like it's going out of fashion then you will take a hit to the pocket. But most people use common sense and think about what it is they need rather than just a desirable want and buy accordingly.

Tax bands on emissions.

My car is £170 a year based on emissions of 159g/km. The 105bhp 1.6TDi Greenline version is only 114g/km and so is only £30 a year to tax (first year is free).

Flat Six > ssm-one 01/29/2015 at 09:14

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People always ask "how fast does it go" about my car. It goes the same fast as everything else! Even a minivan can do 110 mph and get a speeding ticket. I have a manual and can probably get beat off the line by anyone with a auto and a little torque. Its not really the point.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > ssm-one 01/29/2015 at 12:03

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Are they being dicks about it though? Or did they just show up in those cars?

ssm-one > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/29/2015 at 13:25

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It varies from person to person. My point wasn't so much about anyone being a dick or not, it was about the illusion of automotive grandeur a number as useless as horsepower brings. That the metric by which many people measure automotive greatness is both singular and naive.

The short of it is that horsepower and lap-times is a shallow marketing gimmick that is gobbled up by consumers and journalists alike. It's a fable.

Joe Blow in his 600hp Lamborghini will get to the end of the exit ramp much faster than you and that'll be the end of it should all parties be of sound mind and prefer their cars not be impounded or licenses suspended.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > ssm-one 01/29/2015 at 13:52

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I guess I'm not around anyone who thinks that way. Everyone around here (Seattle) is more excited about their latest hybrid or getting rid of their car entirely. I shit you not, there is a Prius that parks near my building with a license plate reading "SAVRAIR." Ride the bus, ride a bike, or walk if you truly want to save 'r' air!